she...changes...your...mind...

=(

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 02:18:56 GMT

in 2 days it'll be 3 months...

guys

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 22:20:35 GMT

how do you get a guy to desire you?

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 21:29:19 GMT

i am an addict. and i just realized it. i am addicted to soda. i just got one and when i drank it i was like... "omgggggggg this feeels sooo goooood!" like i love the bubbles going through meeeee. is there rehab for caffiene? bc if so i really need it. and i just asked my manager how to spell the word caffiene and she said lol " C-O-K-E." lol shes addicted to coke. maybe she can get rehad with me lol

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 21:14:39 GMT

i wanna see benni.

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 04:11:56 GMT

i dont know what to do with myselfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff. wtf is gonna happen?

=)

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 13:28:46 GMT

Johnny passed away monday morning and i know its going to sound weird, but God spoke to me and somehow let me know. When I got out of class that morning I had no idea, but on the drive home something kept telling me to go to church. Like it was such a strong thought in my head. with a 10 minutes drive, I always get other things to distract my mind, and Johnny was not one of them this morning, it should have been finals but whatev...so for a whole of ten minutes all I could think about was Church and to pray. I went home and ended up napping. Around 4:30 pm, I woke up because I heard my voicemail ringer go off. ( i dont get signal in my apt, so i get the voicemail before the call) and i got as close to the window as possible and dialed my voicemail....the first one was Johnny's mom asking me to tell her Johnny's number because she didnt have it. I should have realized then what had happened bc..why wouldnt she just ask him for it? oh and another...hes at the hospital, she could have called there to talk to him, or or or how about just the plan fact that she is his mother! how could she not have his number! But i blew over this thinking everything was fine. the next one was from my mom. "jeanna its probably better that i tell you this without talking directly to you, but johnnys mother just called me and told me that he died this morning. ok ill talk to you later"
so then the tears just came and i felt so horrible and at first i hated God with all my heart, but that was for a second. then i started thinking that it was best for him. that he was no longer suffering and that i was positive he would be going to heaven. all that pain he was going through...all those needles getting poked into him...being in that cold hospital room all the time, i know he hated it. but at the same time he kinda had accepted his fate. he was totally at peace with everything. the only thing i think that really kills me now when i think of it is that before my family left the hospital that sunday after thanksgiving, was that he smiled and so confidently said "ill be out of here real soon" did he know his body was gonna give up? or did he really think he was gonna go home? i wish i would have asked but of coarse how do you ask someone if they think they are gonna die? alls i know is that i hope he died in his sleep, where he was most peaceful...still havent been able to talk to mom about it all but thats ok.

anywho so i did end up going to church right after that and i prayed the rosary, courtesy of ms. nissim. i felt very relaxed and at peace with it. yea i still cry but...i know hes in a better place.

yesterday was his funeral...dad sang for him =) and my sister said everything was beautiful. which im really glad for. when i go home ill visit him, bc im sad i couldnt make it to his funeral, but im glad that i was able to say goodbye.

I LOVE FALL OUT BOYYYY

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 14:33:19 GMT

so this morning i realized just how not important i was in high school. like.........really... even the dorks and nerds were known by everyone. its those middle ppl (like me) who dont get noticed..,

yea just a thought.

and happy anniversary to meeee 10 months! good job me!

fuck you colby.

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 23:44:58 GMT

so moving into the new apartment has been so hard. for about a week before i lived with colby. and that was awesome bc i had a feeling that as soon as i moved out we wouldnt see each other as often. and boy was i right. i live about 20 minutes away from where i used to live. and i dont know anyone here. i spend my time watching tv and online and yesterday i started working out. it gets my mind off crap and oh yea i started yoga.
today i drove to colby's place so that we could hang bc we didnt see each other yesterday and all the other days hes been at work. so i went there and we worked out together. then we got back to his house and he went straight to the comp after a shower. and thats where he stayed for about 2 hours. with his fucking roommate in the room. then i asked him to come with me to get food. yes he said. 15 minutes later whos getting food by themselves? Jeanna. then i ate it in the car. he didnt text me till 1/2 an hour had passed since id been gone. thats love right? then i came in and the walkie talkies i had ordered for us came so i brought that in and when i walked into his room whats he doing? playing halo with josh. with my controller. that pissed me offffffffff. so i went to the living room to see if i could cool off, and he came out and started opening the package and he asked me what was wrong and i just said nothing bc i dont feel like sharing my feelings when others are present, especially others who i know arent very fond of me. and colby looks at josh and says "its that time." ok then i was done. i took one of the walkie talkies and the charger picked up my stuff and left. i sent him a text telling him that i wanted the money for the controller or i was taking it. so next time im there it will be taken and i will be selling that crap. he can buy his own. and he hasnt called to say sorry or anything. i explained why i was mad and all he said was that it was good that i left. fuck you colby. fuck you.

FUCK YOU ASSHOLE WHO IS WORTH NOTHING! NOTHINGGGGGG

Sat, 08 Sep 2007 21:16:53 GMT

so i would like to say one thing. i hate the bastards who broke into my car with a passion. i dont know who you are but i hope that you get what you deserve which is a slow and painful death and soon. and i hope you burn in hell. i hope the rest of your life is a shithole. why cant you be like other responsible human beings and work for the shit that you want. why take someone else's? does that make you feel better? what do you gain besides the crap you steal? you're a disgrace, and a waste of space on this planet. how could you live your life everyday with not one ounce of guilt in your stupid fucking head? go to school get a job, go do something with yourself instead of ruining other people's lives. i work so hard for my car and the things that i have, you have no right to take that away from me. i hate you you bastard. DIE.

i now have to pay 600 to repair everything that was damaged. thats 2 months of car payments, that i dont have. thanks to these faggots. and whoever is gay i dont mean the term in the gay way. im just soooo mad.

fuck you mr low life who is worth nothing. you're worse than the dirt under my shoe. your like.. horse shit. and i hate you.

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 03:01:28 GMT

i miss you so much, i wish i could take back all the crazy things that didnt need to happen, i dont know why you act thius way with me....im sure you havent done this with your other girlfriends. why say you love me when you dont. why do you pretend to be that person that will be there for me when you only run away from me? i wish you wouldnt be such a coward and tell me everything. your 23, grow up and act like a man.

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 22:30:12 GMT

just feel like i have to get it out although im sure everyone is thinking it, thoughts and prayers are with everyone and their family who passed away at virginia tech.

now i feel much better =)

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 03:32:33 GMT

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You have stopped viewing webcam with Andres.<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p>Andres says:<o:p></o:p>i want you<o:p></o:p>Andres says:<o:p></o:p>bye<o:p></o:p>Jeanaca says:<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p>Jeanaca says:<o:p></o:p>wait wait wait<o:p></o:p>Jeanaca says:<o:p></o:p>huh<o:p></o:p>Jeanaca says:<o:p></o:p>come back asswipe<o:p></o:p>

music from titanic is beautiful.i want to cry.

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 06:52:46 GMT

so things seem to be slowing down and going back to normal. the guy from the hilton called me today so i have to call him tomorrow about the job if im still interested which of course i am. finally i will have a job and i wont be going crazy with money and i wont have to ask for money from my parents and i can finally buy myself a darn chair for my desk. and ill be able to fix up my room and buy drawers and what not.

so things with andres i believe are completely done. it kinda hurts. i still think of it and get those pangs in my chest. we dont even talk anymore. and none of the people i hung out with call. not even to check up on things. what are friends? they dont even last. tomorrow night there is a party. i was invited like 3 weeks ago and was very excited to be going but now that i think of it more and more, i dont wanna go. im afraid of seeing andres and falling right back to where i was. i tell people who know about it that i dont care and that ive moved on, but i havent. it just all happened so fast and everything that i worked for for the last 4 months has disappeared and meant nothing. that "relationship" was longer than what i had with anyone faithful. and i was proud of it. yea we had our problems but i always thought that everything was gonna pay off in the end. it didnt. i started off my year with a broken heart. i wish i could just talk to him once. alone. and then i want everything to be back to normal. maybe not as we were but i atleast want him as a friend. but i know i cant go chasing after him, i have to let him go. i eventually left alex alone...i guess ill have to do the same with him.

onto robert cernuda. hes an amazingly sweet kid. and things with him are...i guess i would call it normal. we hang out a couple days a week, but call each other every day to see how the other is doing. when we hang out, we just chill in his room and talk and listen to bands ive never heard of before. lol and hes so shy, but its a cute thing. i dont want to rush anything, i want him to feel comfortable with me and whenever hes ready to move up a little then so it shall be but i want things to happen normally, if we date then cool awesome, if not...ill try not to make a big fuss about it lol. i like him. he has potential.

school is okay, its kinda hard not seeing andres and getting my little kisses in the hallways but thats fine. that shouldnt even be on my mind when it comes to school. i have two math classes this semester and i have to seriously turn my brain on. i dont wanna end up a college drop out. i think ive done enough to prove to myself that i can be on my own, now i hav e to be the adult that i am and get my priorities right. no excuses. there are no excuses for not going to class, well theres one and thats my moped not turning on in the freaking cold morning but besides that no. i cant party as much as i did last semester. parties will come and go but my education is first. i dont wanna be a failure who has to depend on their parents till they get married. cough cough my brother cough cough.

anywho, i have to get up early tomorrow and put gas in the moped with the money that i dont have. thank god its only 2 dollars. lol night.

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 13:56:03 GMT

so i decided to do the stupid nicole thing and look at the ex boyfriends myspace. WHAT AN ERROR!!!!!

NELSON GODDAMN ADRIAN HAS A MOTHER FUCKING GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK

AND I MUST FIND OUT WHO SHE IS.

AND OUT OF ANGER I CHANGED MY STATUS ON MYSPACE TOO, ALTHOUGH JEANNA HAS NOT MET "A GREAT GUY THAT WILL MAKE YOU MUCH HAPPIER THAN I DID" fucker

what happened to he didnt wanna have commitment while in his first yr of college??? bullshit. i hate boys i hate nelson even more now and i hate andres too. period. im turning lesbian. done.
and this month sucks ass
the 14th itll be two yrs since i met a certain faggot. and yes thats alll i have to say. im going to play ping pong. and maybe die afterward. i hate him

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 13:45:14 GMT

blargh. there was a party on friday and i really wanted to go, i havent been drunk in a while and now would be a good time. well...friday wouldve been im at school now so that cant happen.

anywho
so i got into my first little fight with andres on thursday. =) were a normal couple! lolnot really but yes it was a minor fight of jealousy and now were perfect, i dont see y he doesnt just ask me out.

school sucks ass. so does target.

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 19:07:50 GMT

so...um yea..i was looking at some of nicoles facebook pictures and it occured to me that what my brother said years ago was true. the friends that u make in high school dont always remain friends. as much as u try to talk to them or keep in touch, some how they just drift away.

anywho! so this december 8th i will be going to a certain concert with a certain friend of mine. yay. and i found my ring once again.

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 16:45:10 GMT

i want to go dancing with andres again. last night was fun. i love dancing with him. muahahahahaha

shaggy

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 15:59:51 GMT

a couple nights ago, i hung out with andres and ivan over some girls house.
the whole night i was fine and dandy except when we decided to play a drinking game. for some reason every freaking person decided for me to be the person to chug...ugh! so yea end of story i puked.

after the pukage, i went outside and layed on the concrete with ivan. who was also drunk out of his mind. but anywho this is our little drunken conversation:

ivan: did you enjoy your night?
gina: yea except i had the green eyes monster all night
ivan: jealous?
gina: yea.
ivan: of?
gina: all the girls...
ivan: who were...
gina: talking...
ivan: to andres.
gina: yea
ivan: you know he has a girlfriend right?
gina:...............................

so thats been eating at me since that night. why couldnt he tell me, i mean i kno i asked him if he had one.

and get this. its a girl in colombia!!!! the country!!! thousands of miles away!!

i talked to david last night too...he said he tried to get him to dump her, that he was egging him on to go out with me...gee thats nice of him maybe that ruined it. i dont know but its so hard to get over him like...there isnt something that i can point out and just not like him anymore, bc i dont evem know y i like him, hes just been so amazing to me,

he sees her every summer...wtf?!?!?!?! thats like an entire yr in between!!!! how could u do that? he must really love her...

i cant beliee i once again let my feelings show to a guy...i shouldve kept my mouth shut. i shouldve have kissed him. y r u so dumb!

its really hard to hang out with him now, i dont wanna make things weird and i dont wanna end our friendship but he has to know its hard for me.
and i tried talking to him about it. he just wont. he shoudlve told me. he knows it too. whatever.

school time. ill be back later to gush my little heart out. bye...

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 18:33:08 GMT

hello people. today is my friggin 19th birthday...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woooo
it has officially been a yr since ive driven an RSX. =( but non the less =)

i have no idea what i am going to do tonight i mean there cant be much to do. its a monday which really sucks ass.

my moped has no gas in all honesty i have no idea how i got to school today. i shouldve been stuck on the road.

i met a random guy at school today. that was fun i guess. lol. bye
oh yea i saw pics of alex... HE IS GAY! he has to be. lol his pictures r so dumbbbbb and in everyone hes humping a guy...fruit.

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 14:58:12 GMT

so the past 4 days have been amazing. ugh i am soo happy, the happiest ive been in months ahhh. i can just explode. oman.

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 09:07:54 GMT

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii its 5 in the am and uh...not tired but yea. and p.s. Andres says hi. ok bye
♥

you know its just too little too late

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 18:02:28 GMT

so. um. my tounge hurts realllly bad. i woke up in the middle of the night thinking i was eating something and i ended up biting my tounge, ouch.
anywho. i meeting people at work. slowly. like one every week.
first there is reggie. UGHHHHHHHHHHH annoying mother effer. wont leave me alone. i think hes gay. the only thing that makes me think differently is that when i was walking up the stairs he was like "mmmmmmmm keep walking" ANNOYING. and plus i can get him fired for that. "sexual harrasment"
but as long as he keeps his distance its all good. plus he is the one who always sneaks in extra snacks when i go to get food.
then there is...wuts his name? oh yea! Steven... this kid...drunk mofo. hung out with him two nights and the second night he got drunk out of his mind and i feared for my life. lol.
when i realized he was drunk I decided to try and get away from him but where could i go? everyone else in the house was drunk. so i just went to his room and tried to just fall asleep. MORON!!!! he ended up coming in and saying that my phone, which was next to my boob, was a big bug and grabbed my boob. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. then he decided to call every mother effer on his phone book to tell them that there was a "fine ass girl on my bed that i wanna have sex with but i respect her." ..."i will be tearing that pussy up by the end of the night" OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
i feared for my life like i said.
he ended up passing out on the bed next to me and i heard some water trickling near my left ear...BARF! he was throwing up next to me
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

so ea i got someone finally to take me home and the next day at work he was going crazy apologizign bc everyone told him wut he was doing and saying.
i told him it was whatever. and he was like "ok good i thought i messed up my chances"

.................................................

YOU HAD NO CHANCES!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
next is. Andres. or as nandy and cora call him, shaggy. =)he is AWESOME!
he is the only person i really get along with. plus hes not like drooling allover me so thats a plus! thumbs up!lol goes to santa fe and got accepted into UF for next fall so...someone smart. yaya.
we hung out the other night, his band was playing at some bar. and amazingly they are REALLY good.lol i thought i wasnt gonna like it bc he described it as metallica and automatically i think screaming music, although ive never heard them in my life lol. but they were awesome and i met the lead guitarist and i asked him for the tape he had on his shirt with the bands name lol. and i announced myself as their new FAN. muahaha GROUPIE.
they are having a show tonight, so shaggy is comign to pick me up and...yea. =)

also. id like to say fuck you. i still am mad at you for calling me the other night when u were drunk. dont call me. ever. thanks.

OH YEAAAAAAAAA
shaggy might be coming with me to Copeland. woo. he said he likes them so he might come if work lets him. i havent even asked my job so um. frankly i dont care. im going. period.

blargh

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 20:33:03 GMT

so ive been here in gainesville for a while and i think it plain out sucks asssssssssssss

i took my CPT. i bombed math. i have no friends here. the only one i have i just seem to be getting into fights with her all the time. which sucks considering i love in her house. blah

part of me wants to go home. but...wutever. i hate it here, but wut do i have to go to at home?
im considered a whore over there so i wont be getting anyone. and here... welll
and i guess im not helping myself either by wearing a SEMINOLES shirt in gay asss GATOR town. fuck the gators. i hate you. go drowned in your gay swamp. thats directed toward him. you kno who u r. fuck you.

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 23:48:42 GMT

lunch today was awkward. considering i had just told my dad that me and nelson were fine and then he happens to walk right in!!!!! ha funny. but i shouldve known that he was going to come there considerint that we were eating at their fav restaurant. arg!

update from the last journal entry: i decided to IM him and i asked him if he and i were still together and he said "i dunno we have to talk" so i guess im waiting for that but ive been waiting for like 2 days so today i finally IMed him again asking if we could hang out because i really wanted to talk, then i caled and left him a message on his voicemail.

im not letting myself pass for the dummy thins time! NO!! if he wants to dump me then fine do it. but atleast let me know that its over. GROW SOME BALLS ALEX CASCANTE!

so um...yea thats about it. so im gonna try to do this thing tonight bc his cousin is coming tomorrow and i kno he is gonna be busy with that. ok

ok

ok

ok

ok well thats all i have to say. goodbye.

HAHAHAHAHA

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 17:45:34 GMT